I took it to insta to ask people what I should write about. I had several people asking how to deal with triggering remarks, a few on period concerns and some just wondering how I’m doing! So hopefully I’ll get to address all of those in tonight’s post. Let’s get to it!
First of all, as many may have seen on my Instagram stories, I’ve had a few unhelpful comments come my way in the past couple of days. I’d be lying is I said that they didn’t get to me but I was determined not to let them hold me back. I’ve learnt that most of the time people don’t realise what they are saying is triggering or upsetting, although that doesn’t really make it much easier to deal with.
If you’re reading this wondering what type of comments can be unhelpful for recovering anorexics or bulimics, here’s what generally to avoid. [ALL OF THESE HAVE BEEN SAID TO ME OVER THE PAST 2 YEARS AND I HOPE AND PRAY THIS PREVENTS PEOPLE SAYING THEM TO OTHERS]
- OMG you look so healthy and your face is so much fuller! ➡️ Interpreted as: OMG you look huge and swollen and you’ve gained too much weight!
- You’re eating now, congrats on recovering! ➡️ Nope, eating is the very first step and just because you put food in your mouth doesn’t mean you’re better. You can’t see the struggle someone is going through so don’t assume someone is recovered when they make the first step.
- I’m so jealous of your self control! ➡️. Eating disorders are NOT caused by self-control. They’re an illness, and just like any other disease they are not a choice or self-inflicted.
- You don’t look like you have an eating disorder! ➡️ Eating disorders don’t have a “look”. They can affect anyone, at any size, gender or age.
- Let me tell you about my diet! ➡️ I, probably alongside everyone else in the room, do not want to hear about your restriction. The same type of restriction that left me in hospital seven times and nearly killed me, thanks.
- Can I have some weight loss tips? ➡️ Yup. Someone actually asked me this when I was in the JR just a few days after being admitted. She knew I had been admitted and had lost more than half my body weight. A lil common sense is always appreciated.
- OMG your legs are huge! They’re so manly! ➡️ Why are you commentating on someone’s body? It’s just rude.
I guess the main point I’m trying to make here is: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO COMMENT ON SOMEONE’S BODY, DON’T. There is so much more to a person than their body. Compliment them on their makeup, their style, their sense of humour, their intelligence.
Another topic that came up was about whether or not I had my period back and how long it generally takes in recovery. Well firstly, I have not got mine back yet and secondly, I think it’s different for everyone. I know you have to be at a healthy weight for a relatively long time and it’s one of the last things to come back as everything else needs to heal first.
It’s been nearly 3 years since I last had a period and although it’s nobody’s favourite time of the month, having a regular cycle is crucial for long term physical health, as consequences of amenorrhoea include reduced fertility, high levels of blood cholesterol, osteoporosis and premature ageing.
I don’t feel like I can give much advice about how to get a period back because mine still hasn’t returned, but hopefully it will come back soon and I’ll be able to help out a bit more.
In the mean time, here is a really great post about amenorrhoea and how to get your period back: http://www.notplantbased.com/2018/09/30/hypothalamic-amenorrhea-no-period-now-what-causes-fertility-anorexia-eating-disorders/
Finally, a bit about how I’m doing. I know I keep on saying that I need to post more and in all honestly, I’m still struggling. I’m eating what I should and when I want to but the thoughts and urges are so strong. These past few weeks have been amazing and I’ve done things I never would have been able to do when I was deep in my ED.
I have moments when I want nothing more than to be thin again and I don’t care about the consequences. It’s like a big black cloud comes over my head and blocks out everything else. I don’t care what Mum says or that I’d be in hospital or if I’d die. All I want is to go back.
But then my rational head speaks and I know it’s not true. But it seems so true. It seems safer and warmer and nicer and better. I try to remind myself it was hell. That I didn’t have a life. That my hair was falling out. That my bum was bruised from sitting. That I had to wear 9 layers of clothes in order to stop the shivering. That I couldn’t walk up stairs at school so had to take the staff lift. It was no life.
Something interesting came up the other day too. I might be autistic! It’s really common amongst those with eating disorders and I definitely have a few traits. I’d quite like to be tested for it because it might explain a lot of my behaviours but apparently there are really long waiting lists for it. Who knows.
Today has been a nice day. I walked Shuggs, saw Phoebe and Rebecca and chilled with Mum. My journal that I ordered arrived yesterday so I’ve made a pinterest board of ideas to fill it with and I bought some amazing pens too. I think it will be good for me to get stuck into something creative because I love that kind of thing.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Loads of love as always, Leithy xxx