The Outpatient Diaries: 21.06.20

8:00 My alarm goes off and I take Shuggs round the block.

8:30 I have brekkie (a smoothie bowl, about 3 tablespoons of PB lol and granola) followed by a hot choccy.

9:30 We leave to go to our cousins’ house who live near the New Forest.

10:00 I read a bit of My Dark Vanessa.

11:00 We arrive and realise we left the red velvet cake Immy and I made at home. Ugh.

12:30 We have the most amazing BBQ with champagne followed by pavlova and brownies. Yum.

12:55 We facetime Dad who is still in Sydney. I miss him lots.

1:00 I ignore some insensitive comments from family members. I try not to let it trigger me. It’s harder than it sounds…

1:55 My aunty starts crying because she is so proud of me. I hold back the tears too,

2:30 We leave and I fall asleep in the car.

4:00 I go for a run and listen to Ramble Book by Adam Buxton. I laugh out loud at some bits and realise I must look like a proper weirdo.

5:30 I take Shuggs for a short walk. I go round a corner and see a tiny little dog wandering around by himself. He is absolutely gorgeous. He has no lead on and a collar without a name on it. I hold it and wonder what I should do.

5:35 A man comes along and asks me if I’m okay. I explain that I just found the dog and he nips back to his house nearby and gets a lead.

5:40 I put the lead on the dog. Luckily Shuggs likes him and they seem to be getting along. I phone Mum. She then phones the vet. I stand with both dogs for about 10 minutes until she arrives.

5:50 Mum turns up and we take the dog in the car to the vet.

5:55 The vet takes the dog and checks his microchip. They find the owner and return him back. I’ve saved 2 animals in 2 days; feeling like Doctor Doolittle! Haha.

6:30 Mum and I get home and we talk about how in a few years we’ll look back on this and think it was a dream…

7:00 We have dinner and watch Come Dine With Me, a programme I didn’t even realise was still a thing.

8:00 I eat some of the cake. It’s amazing. I also manage to finish a jar of peanut butter. I feel guilty and a bit gross. I know it’s because it’s what my body craves right now but I can’t help but feel disgusting. It was so much easier to honour my hunger and cravings when I was underweight. I know I still need to reach my set point and trust what my body is doing but it’s hard. I distract myself with animal crossing.

9:00 Thank God. Big Brother is back on. Mum and I just love it so much.

9:15 I get some more cake.

Had a lovely day today, filled with good food and cute dogs! It was so nice to see my family and I’m excited for tomorrow where I’ll see my 3 best friends for a picnic and some Hamma beading. It’ll be great. Loads of love xxx

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