The Inpatient Diaries: Day 37 (final day!)

5:30 I wake up. I would normally get back to sleep at this time but I suddenly remember what day it is. MY LAST DAY! I get myself all excited and riled up, soon realising that the chance of getting back to sleep is now nought.

5:45 I decide to go and shower. Last ever pitch black shower! I imagine our shower at home, big and hot and powerful. YES! So soon.

6:05 I realise how early it actually is. I browse Netflix and go for Shutter Island. Not only is it an absolute classic (the irony being that it’s based on a psychiatric ward but let’s brush past that), but it’s also about 2 and a half hours long. Perfect! This will see me through until brekkie.

7:45 Gosh I’m hungry… This time tomorrow I’ll be home though! Ahhhhh!

8:15 Final breakfast! Believe it or not I have hot shreddies, grapefruit juice then toast with PB and choc spread. Oh and a yucky instant coffee. (Hello hot choc and nespresso coffees).

9:00 I sit in the garden and read my book. The book I’m reading has been ongoing for a few months because it really is just so bad. I’m too stubborn to put it down and start a new one though (I tried to the other day but my conscience was having none of it) so I’m trying to plod on through. My kindle is telling me I’ve got about 54 minutes left… We’ll see. I get distracted easily by patients wandering in and out of the garden and have to start the page again so I have a feeling that estimation is a bit optimistic….

10:00 This is the slowest morning of my life. I go back into my room and do some word searches whilst watching the end of the film and a bit of girls incarcerated. It’s kind of funny because the girls on the show are talking about all the things they are looking forward to when being released, like the foods they’ll have, seeing their families and pets and getting back into their own beds. Hmm.

11:00 Snack time! Today it’s the classic hobnob and digestive with a banana. This is also known as the “we-don’t-have-any-snacks-from-the-bakery-that-we’re-supposed-to-have” snack. Ah well.

11:30 I go into the social area and play the most hospital-y game ever: bananagrams. I am absolutely awful at it and have never won once, so when I win this game, it’s a genuine miracle. Typical that I get good on my last day.

11:50 I do some dot-to-dots.

12:05 I begin properly packing. The bags I have left over from yesterday are 100% not going to fit everything I have. I’m not sure what to do. I’ll probably just have to carry the stuff. The bag is also VERY VERY heavy so not sure how that’ll work out in the morning. To be honest, I’ll probably be so excited to go that the adrenaline will take over and I’ll be able to lift the car, let alone the silly bag.

12:30 Lunch is G R I M. Salmon fishcakes (no, they’re not as nice as you are imagining them to be) and boiled new potatoes. Just gross. I keep reminding myself it’s the last one. I can do this. I think about how far I’ve come. I mean, I was scared of WATER FFS (yeah I actually was, I only drank diet coke (about 4 litres a day) and thought water wasn’t “worth the health” – how stupid is that?!).

1:10 Back in the social area. This time I play rummy with 4 other patients. I’m not sure if they all know I’m leaving or not (2 out of the 4 definitely do) but I don’t want to bring it up. I want to say goodbye to them tonight but I know I’ll be nervous too.

1:50 I go back to my room play on my nintendo switch. It’s honestly been so useful in hospital. I think back to the JR when I would play animal crossing for a good 5 or 6 hours a day. I forget how hard that time was for me. I was on 1:1 support from nurses 24/7 but I still wasn’t managing my meal plan and felt so lonely every day. Here’s to that NEVER HAPPENING EVER AGAIN. I owe myself that much.

2:30 I go on my walk.

3:30 Snack is a banana, grapefruit juice and some salt and vinegar hula hoops. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have hula hoops again…

4:30 I meet Mum and Shuggs and we go for a little walk. Shuggs (classic him) goes up to a stranger and licks him. The man isn’t annoyed – luckily…

5:05 I shower and wash my hair so that my friend can plait it tonight before I go.

5:40 I do a bit of yoga.

6:00 The Last Supper is a coronation chicken sandwich and rice pudding. The coronation chicken will not be missed let’s put it that way.

7:00 My friend plaits my hair and we watch a youtuber play a “Kill Your Grandma” game. We laugh a lot.

7:25 I facetime Mum and Immy whilst they have tea. To think I’ll be there in less than 13 hours!

8:00 I play Just Dance and Wii Sing with another patient. It’s fun and I’ll miss her. We make plans to go iceskating when things get back to normal.

9:15 For night snack I have a banana, muesli and some squash. I’m nearly halfway through when I realise that this is the last ever time I’ll be in the dining room. Ahhhh!

9:45 I facetime Mum. 10 hours to go.

Thanks everyone so much for reading my inpatient diaries! I’m going to try and post as much as I can and hopefully the content will be a bit more interesting from tomorrow. I know I’m not going to sleep well tonight but to be honest WHO CARES?! I’m going to be in MY OWN BED, with Shuggs and with ma hot choccy. Eek! One more sleep. Loads of love xxxx

3 Comments

  1. Sinead Ferramosca

    Dear Leith, You are truly an amazing person. Congratulations for getting through this time. I have really loved reading your diaries. You are an emotional writer. You will go far. I shall continue reading whatever next your write. All the best. Love to you, your mum Immy and Schuggs. Sinead Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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