Just Inpatient Tings

Seeing as my time as an inpatient has nearly come to an end, I thought I would reflect on things that almost certainly always happen when you are in an eating disorder unit. Everything on this list is something that I have experienced A LOT whilst being in hospital and I hope it provides a little bit of insight into what life is like as an inpatient.

• Writing a list of foods you miss and wish you could have.
• Doing an insane amount of colouring in.
• Tuna mayo jacket potatoes.
• Having to schedule wees and then getting it wrong and needing to ask when it’s in a rest period.
• Getting told off for behaviours the staff deem as disordered like crossing your legs, dunking your biscuits and cutting things up.
• Pasta that is literally just mush on a plate.
• Having to ask for everything like to go outside or to go to the loo and feeling really bad about disturbing the nurses when they are making notes.
• Getting told off for standing during rest periods.
• Having to wait 3 days after a parcel arrives to actually get it.
• Plastic beds.
• Apple crumble and custard 5 times a week.
• Having no outside light in your bedroom because of the blocked windows.
• Taking up hobbies you never thought you would e.g. cross stitch, painting, gardening.
• Hummus.
• Fidget spinners and tangles.
• Conversations in the morning guaranteed to start with “how did you sleep” and the reply is either “like a log” or “I didn’t” depending on how much melatonin has been prescribed.
• Having a nice nurse on your 1:1 who you can gossip with.
• Going to optional once then being woken up twice every day for the next 3 weeks as they expect you to go.
• Getting told off for not putting enough milk in your tea.
• Slippers.
• Asking for a dessert spoon instead of a tablespoon to eat your stewed plums with.
• Patients looking at you as if you are crazy when you add sugar to your tea.
• Green (grey) beans.
• Wearing baggy clothes every day.
• Talking about the weather at every single meal and snack.
• Ground leave being the fastest half-hour of the day.
• Having a panic attack in the CTM.
• Going to a group you’re not interested in just to pass some time.
• “SNACK!” and meals being shouted at you 6 times a day.
• Having the torch shone in your face every 15 minutes when you first arrive.
• Having to give yourself a genuine reality check that escaping is probably not the best idea, despite definitely being possible…
• Getting blood tests done 3 times a day and them running out of veins to try on (this happened to me at the JR and they ended up doing it on my feet… ouch).
• Ruminating about who you will become when your new life outside of hospital begins.
• Night staff being loud and keeping you up.
• Thinking about how ungrateful you previously were when you could do and eat anything you wanted.
• Having arguments with the dieticians as to whether you genuinely dislike something or it’s an eating disorder behaviour.
• Having a countdown to your next home leave/discharge.
• Planning out meticulously what you’ll say in your CTM.
• Awkward silences in groups.
• BBQ beef hula hoops.
• Lining up for each meal before entering the dining room.
• Being hungry…
• Waiting half an hour for other tables to self-serve before you.
• Trying to sneak in an extra sip of water.
• Not being able to stand the sound of people crunching their glacier mints after every meal and snack.
• Getting self-conscious about your breathing and suddenly going really fast when the nurse is taking your respiration rate just because you’re aware of them doing it.
• Being forced to go for a wee at 5:45 AM before weigh-in.
• Having to stay behind the dog on the dog walk to not be seen as “excessively exercising”.
• Having a sandwich for dinner.
• Apricot wheats (RIP).
• Staff walking in on you getting dressed.
• Having to tell staff when they have your meal plan wrong (so asking for more food) i.e. every anorexic’s nightmare.
• Finding foods you didn’t know you liked because you’re forced to eat them (for me this was ketchup, coleslaw and jacket potatoes).
• Not being allowed anything made of glass or anything that is remotely sharp… goodbye nail file.
• Staring at the clock all through community meeting.
• Finding foods you didn’t know you hated because you’re forced to eat them (the stewed plums that look like brains and the dreaded mushroom soup).
• Being allowed deodorant and body spray but not air freshener?
• Having a glass of milk as a “snack” 3 times a day when you’re first admitted.
• And last but not least, making best pals for life!