The Inpatient Diaries: Day 34

7:55 I wake up. I had really, really weird dreams last night. I shudder thinking about them, lol. I get dressed and get my meds.

8:15 For brekkie this morning I have 4 hot weetabix, and a mix of grapefruit and orange juice (thought I would spice things up). This is followed by 2 slices of toast with jam and butter then a cup of coffee. Only 4 more breakfasts until it’s smoothie bowls, granola and sweet potato! Eek!

9:00 I decide I want to do something relatively productive so I facetime Mum and look into online courses. I look at first aid, childminding and yoga teaching (the course for this costs $1700!) and settle on my french and touch-typing. This is this morning’s activity and keeps me busy for a while.

10:15 I facetime Dad.

11:00 Snack is 3 gingernuts, an orange and a glass of squash.

11:30 I do a bit more french and a bit more touch-typing. I don’t think I’m very good at the typing but I’ll keep trying.

12:30 Lunch is a yummy veggie burger, chips, peas and then a strawberry muller rice.

1:10 I facetime my friend Jade who I met when I went on my Australian exchange in 2015.

1:30 I see the doctor who is organising my meds for Monday. Ahh it finally all feels real. I’ve never been so excited. I’m going to absolutely SMASH recovery.

2:15 A few patients and I sit outside in the garden, talking. A nurse comes out with some chalk for us to decorate the side of the walls with. We draw hearts, stars and flowers and write motivational messages.

2:30 I go for my afternoon walk. It is SO SUNNY AND WARM! I hope it is like this next week. Apparently it is the hottest day since August last year!

3:30 For snack I have 3 fig rolls, a packet of hula hoops and a cup of tea.

4:15 Thank GOODNESS they have put out some water for us. We are all boiling… Although they kind of do track how much you have…

4:30 I do my yoga for the day. I think about the yoga I’ll do in the garden with Immy and look forward to getting back into classes eventually when all this is over….

5:12 I facetime Mum.

6:00 Tea is an egg mayo sandwich then sultana sponge with ice cream. I’m becoming very aware at how boring my day has been today…

6:45 My tummy is really sore. Overall, during this admission it hasn’t been that bad but tonight it’s back… I ask the nurse for a heat pack (they told me when I was first admitted that they had ordered one for me) but she tells me to come back later. I won’t hold my breath…

7:30 I play mario kart whilst Immy and Mum have their tea.

8:00 We watch Who Dares Wins and I play animal crossing. I’m completely re-vamping my island so this involves digging up every flower and tree and basically starting from scratch. This is how bored I have become.

9:15 Night snack is a banana and muesli.

9:45 I get back to my room and put my pjs on. I have just noticed that my thighs now touch. I feel weird. I didn’t remember what this was like. I don’t like it. Or my eating disorder doesn’t like it. I panic a bit. I try and rationalise it and say to myself that it’s normal to have thighs that touch each other and it doesn’t matter. I’m gaining so much more than just weight – I’m gaining my life back. I tell myself this over and over.

Although today seemed very long and boring (as you can tell I didn’t get up to much), it’s one day closer to being at home. Only 4 full days left now! Eek! Words can’t describe my excitement to start living again. Just 5 more sleeps…

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