The Inpatient Diaries: Day 32 (BIRTHDAY!)

6:12 I am woken up by my favourite nurse who was on nights last night. She has woken me last so that I get a bit of a lie-in before being weighed. I open my door and find a huge bunch of balloons, banners all over the ward and “happy birthday” blasting from the nurse’s phone. I’m grinning like a weirdo and almost forget I’m in hospital until I’m quickly reminded to go to the loo before weigh-in. I go to the clinic room, step on the scales and oh…..my……god. I’ve finally done it. I’ve reached a healthy weight! This is what my admission is all about. I haven’t been a healthy weight for years. Now this is a milestone birthday.

6:25 I go back to my room and see the gifts my fellow patients have got me, My friend next door has made me a card, got me earrings and made a wire-beaded butterfly. It’s amazing. Another patient has crocheted me bunting with little stars. I feel very loved.

6:30 I go to optionals and see yet more colourful banners, balloons and confetti on the table. The tables have changed round and I’m really happy with who I’m with.

6:50 I facetime Mum and sit outside reading birthday messages.

8:15 Birthday breakfast is…. guess what? Hot shreddies, grapefruit juice and then toast with PB and choc spread. I’m starting to get nervous for my CTM.

9:40 I get called for my CTM. They tell me I’m allowed to see my Mum this afternoon if we maintain social distancing. Ahhhhh YAY! After a bit of disagreement we also decide that I need to have 3 weigh-ins at a healthy weight before I go home. This should hopefully mean I’ll be good to go by next Monday if all goes well. We are not sure what’s happening with day patient treatment yet but we are just going to take this week as it comes, hopefully get to do my snack out and cooking and maybe eventually move upstairs too.

10:10 A nurse comes into my room carrying 2 enormous John Lewis bags filled with presents. I have to open them with a nurse in the room in case there’s contraband so I facetime Mum and Immy. It’s a little bit awkward with the nurse but what can I do. I open my presents and am in shock with how many amazing gifts I receive. This includes: jellycats (thanks Mum and Phub!), birkenstocks (yassss), a Unif jumper, morphe brushes, a wearable blanket (as incredible as it sounds) American Vintage jeans (they are AMAZING) and the Nintendogs equivalent for Nintendo Switch. I am a very, very lucky gal.

10:30 Some of the clothes Mum has bought me don’t fit. That’s okay though. I’ll just buy bigger sizes that actually fit. I don’t need to change – they do.

11:00 3 fig rolls and an orange. Not bad for a birthday snack. Could be worse, anyway.

11:25 I play the Nintendogs equivalent.

11:45 I facetime Dad and he wishes me a happy birthday. I wish I could see him today but I know it won’t be long.

12:10 I facetime Immy and we play games on House Party.

12:30 Lunch is chicken tikka masala and then a Muller yoghurt. This curry will always be “The Chicken Curry That Stank Out My Isolation Room”. Ah, the mems. Thank GOD that phase is over. I can honestly say I don’t think anything in life will be as hard as that week was. It was the longest week of my whole life. Here’s hoping this week flies.

1:15 I play Uno in the garden with a few other patients.

1:45 I facetime Phoebe and Rebecca. I miss them.

2:19 I look through the LEON baking book Mum got me for my birthday. I can’t wait to try all the recipes. I

2:30 I go on my walk. It’s such a sunny and warm day. Feeling #blessed.

3:03 I am desperate for the loo. Last night in our ward quiz, one of the questions was “How long are the loos locked for every day?”. The answer? 9 HOURS. If you know me at all, you know I have an extremely weak bladder. Only 1 week left of being denied wees. Joy.

3:10 Ward dog walk! Love this. I speak to ma ward bestie who gets her first outing of her admission. I’m proud of her. She’s proud of me. We talk and I realise it was her who put up all the balloons and banners. Wow.

3:30 Snack is 2 choccy digestives, a banana and warm strawberry milk. I’m eating then come to a sudden realisation that the banners, with each letter individually printed on an A4 sheet of paper, has been coloured in. I ask my friend if she did that and she admits, she spent 4 days colouring in 72 (yes 72) letters for the banners. She is amazing.

4:00 I sit in my room and wait impatiently for 4:30 to come as that’s when Mum is coming in. Eek cannae wait! I check Find My Friends to track her whereabouts.

4:30 The time comes and I get a text from Mum saying she is outside. I rush out and go and meet her. She has Shuggs with her. I honestly can’t remember a time I was this happy. It’s weird not being able to hug her though. She gives me a slice of homemade icre cream cake with a peanut butter drizzle. It. Is. Mindblowing. I sit on a bench awkwardly as she watches me eat it from 2 metres away. We walk around the park and talk and I open a few more presents (so much Anthropologie crockery – YAY!). The hour passes too quickly.

6:00 I get back to the ward and have dinner. It’s a bread roll with margarine, hummus, salad and then a fruit pot and ice cream. I keep reminding myself that it’s only 7 more days….

6:30 I call Aunty Florence as Susie barks in the background. I love talking to her and thinking about her cooking makes me excited. Last time I went to her house Mum and Aunty Florence had chicken kiev and I had Weetabix…. NEVER, EVER AGAIN.

7:00 I facetime Mum and Immy and we talk about how far I’ve come and how close to dying I was. It’s sad to think about how much time we lost but I feel proud of myself.

7:10 I post a picture of myself on instagram. I know I look different but I’m trying not to care. I want to be normal. I want to live a normal, healthy life again. This is the start.

8:00 I go up with my friend and we rinse the tie dye socks we made yesterday. They look awesome. We pop them in the washing machine.

8:20 I watch Freaky Friday with Mum and Immy.

9:15 I have the nicest night snack ever. I have a banana and a Quakers porridge pot with peanut butter and a scoop of jam all mixed in. It’s DEVINE. I have no idea why I haven’t tried this before. Lush.

I HAVE HAD AN AWESOME SAUCE BIRTHDAY! I feel seriously blessed to have such amazing family and friends and I honestly love each and every one of you with my whole heart. I’m so ready to start my life as a 19 year old and the thought of being at home this time next week makes my heart FULL! Thank you so much again for the lovely messages and love I’ve been showed all day, it really has been so special. I’ve had a fab time. Here’s to being 19 and anorexia-free! Loads of love, Leithy xxx