The Inpatient Diaries: Day 31

7:55 I wake up, brush my teeth and get ready for the day. I can’t believe it was only a few weeks ago that I was barely sleeping at all and it would have been unheard of for me to sleep until past 7, but now I set my alarm for 7:55 and that’s me! Recovery win.

8:15 For brekkie I have hot shreddies, grapefruit juice, peanut butter and choc spread toast all followed by a coffee.

9:00 I get a text from Reb saying that today will be a good day and I agree. I love my friends.

9:10 I facetime Mum and we catch up (not that there is too much to catch up on since last night).

9:30 I go to the art room with 2 other patients. Me and my friend decide we want to do some tie dye so we dye a pair of socks and a headband each. It’s supposedly “challenging our clinical perfectionism”. Personally, I couldn’t give a flying wosit as to what it turns out to look like.

11:00 Snack is a hobnob, a digestive, an apple and a tea. I’m torn between having an apple or a banana because I so desperately want both (I’m still experiencing extreme hunger which is absolutely exhausting). I consider asking for both but I know the answer will be no and I can’t be bothered to get into an argument with the nurses.

11:25 I facetime Dad and Mum. Dad tells us about how he was out on his boat and saw 3 dolphins! He suggests that I add to my bucket list swimming with them. I think that’s an amazing idea.

11:50 I sit in the garden and write my “Nineteen Lessons” blog post. It makes me reflect on the past year and I end up feeling excited about the year to come. It’s going to be mine.

12:15 I listen to my audiobook in the sun. It’s really hot!

12:30 Lunch is an omelette and chips followed by rice pudding. The dining room is really annoying in that it’s either freezing cold or swelteringly hot and today it is the latter. The hot rice pudding doesn’t help and for the first time since coming in here, I don’t finish my hot drink. Yes – it’s THAT hot. It’s allowed though because I’ve already had my compulsory glass of squash. “Thank God” I hear you cry. I knew you’d be concerned.

1:15 I facetime Immy whilst she has her lunch. Avo on toast…. mmmmm…..

2:00 I see on the whiteboard that there is a Cotswold House quiz tonight. It says to join you must come up with 5 questions about the ward. Oh God. This place is so boring I’m not sure I can do that. I’ll think about it for the rest of the afternoon.

2:30 I go for my walk. It’s weird and muggy and not sunny anymore but it’s quiet so it’s pleasant enough.

3:15 I sit outside and chat with the other patients. We all reminisce about the good old days when we could drink water and go to the loo whenever we wanted to….

3:25 I pick up a CTM form and fill it in in my room. I have to ask for the leave tomorrow. I will also enquire about the remote day treatment programme. I start to get nervous about the meeting. At least I’m first, I tell myself. Will that mean they’re in a better or worse mood? Will they be a bit nicer to me because it’ll be my birthday? Probably not. I’m trying so hard not to get my hopes up or overthink but I can’t help it. I’m freaking out a bit.

3:30 Snack is a banana, some hula hoops and chocolate nesquik.

4:00 I facetime Mum and look for a new book to read. I think I enjoy looking for books more than actually reading. I could spend hours browsing.

4:30 I make my quiz questions. I see that my friend Lucy who I met at Cotswold House has shouted me out on instagram. It really makes my day because I’m so glad people are seeing a positive change in me. The new me is kind of cool.

4:45 I do my yoga with Immy over facetime. I put on some “chilled pop”.

5:20 I have a shower. (BTdubz if you’re interested, yes it is still pitch black in there but I’ve given up trying).

5:45 I buy the book “Grown Ups” by Marian Keyes. I wanted something light-hearted and easy and I think it’s perfect. I read for a bit.

6:00 Dinner. Beans on toast then plum crumble and ice cream. I’m dreading the tables moving around tomorrow. I hope I’m with my friend.

6:40 I facetime Mum.

7:15 We do a ward quiz. Questions include “which nurse is the quickest at doing meds” and “which supplement do we take for our hearts”. Dark humour.

8:00 I facetime Sophie, Mya and Barker and we do a quiz. Barker is a bit drunk but still manages to win.

9:15 Nightsnack is PB toast, a banana and a tea.

9:45 I facetime Mum and we watch New Amsterdam.

I’m really nervous about my CTM tomorrow but excited for my birthday. Hopefully the meeting goes well and I can get some answers about the rest of my treatment and I’ll be able to see Mum and Immy. Fingers crossed, anyway. Night! xxxx

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