The Inpatient Diaries: Day 30

7:55 Day 30 (technically 31). Wow. I wake up, have a shower, brush my teeth and get my meds.

8:15 I opt for weetabix this morning and have grapefruit juice, a coffee and peanut butter and choccy spread toast.

9:00 I facetime Mum.

9:30 I do my makeup and make a video. It feels weird doing my makeup as I’ve barely been doing it. I’m excited to get home and use a proper mirror!

11:00 For snack I have a slice of banana cake, an apple and a coffee. The cake is really dry but I try and tell myself it won’t be long now until I’ll be able to make my own really yummy one! The thought of going home is what is getting me through today. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything in my life more than to get day patient next week, Eek.

11:20 I go to the art room along with 3 other patients. I make a flower out of buttons but there seem to only be purple ones today (stuff in the art room always goes missing) so I make do with those. I get absolutely covered in PVA and spend the good last part of the session picking it off.

12:30 Lunch is bolognese, peas and then a muller yoghurt. I swear to God I will never ever have another Muller product once I’m out of here. Too many in such a short space of time. Nope.

1:10 I facetime Mum again as she is sorting through a drawer in the breakfast room. She finds a £25 Amazon voucher that I was given as a Christmas prezzie! Result! I spend the next half an hour browsing Amazon and thinking of all the possibilities….

2:15 I just receive an email from Brandy Melville saying that my Aunty Deb has given me a voucher for my birthday! It’s my lucky day! I spend the next half an hour browsing….

2:45 I go for my walk. It’s very quiet today and I see nobody. Spoooooooky. (but nice)

3:30 Afternoon snack is choccy nesquik, a banoffee nakd bar (actually quite nice) and a banana.

4:00 I play mario kart on my nintendo switch. I choose to be the pink toad-y thing and win every race (only because I choose the easiest setting; it makes me feel better about myself).

4:30 They put the list of CTM times up on the board. I pray I’m early on so that I’m not worrying about it all morning. I look at the list. I’m second! Yay! I’m standing with the girl who is first and she offers to swap with me! Woohoo! 9:30 it is then.

4:45 I facetime Immy and we do our daily yoga flow. I feel a little bit achy from yesterday which feels amazing! I haven’t moved my body properly in months!

5:00 I sit outside in the garden and watch some Grace and Frankie. It makes me laugh out loud so I look a bit like a weirdo.

5:30 My favourite nurse comes and speaks to me. I show her my bucket list and she tells me how proud she is of me. She is working nights tomorrow so she said she’s going to wake me up on my birthday with a surprise…. I have no idea what this means but I’m scared…. She tells me how different I seem this admission and she makes me pinky promise that I won’t be back. I mean it. I won’t be back. We talk about how grimey this place is and how people become so trapped in cycles of readmission that they forget that it is, genuinely, horrible here. No memories are ever made here. Yes, you might make some friends but at the end of the day this is hospital. Hospital sucks.

6:00 Dinner time. I have an egg mayo sandwich, salad then lemon sponge and ice cream. All followed by a cup of tea.

6:45 I am in my room when my named nurse comes in. She asks me how I am and I complain about missing my family lots and how I’m not coping very well with it. She asks me if I heard about what’s happening on Monday. What’s happening on Monday? Starting from Monday, she says, we will be allowed 60 minutes off the ward to do whatever we like! OMFG. I could cry. Really? Really. So I can see my family? My dog? Have cake with them? Open presents with them? Be…… OFF THE WARD?! Yes. I’m overjoyed and in shock.

7:00 I immediately facetime Mum and tell her the incredible news. I can’t stop smiling. This is honestly the best news ever. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

7:15 I tell my friend, (the patient in the room next door who plaits my hair) the good news. She starts crying she is so happy for me. Such perfect timing! Bless her. It really, really is though. I feel like timing has been on my side recently and I am so grateful for it. I imagine what it will be like seeing Immy and Mum. Not tomorrow but the next day! So soon!

7:30 Mum, Immy and I watch In For A Penny. It’s absolutely hilarious. I love it.

8:00 We watch Britain’s Got Talent.

9:15 Night snack is the usual PB and choccy spread toast, a banana and a cup of tea.

So super happy about today’s news! Hoping tomorrow will be super speedy so that Monday comes around ASAP. Wishing you all a very sunny Sunday. Lots of love xxxxxx

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