The Inpatient Diaries: Day 29

7:55 I shower and wash my hair. I get my meds and get sorted for the day.

8:15 Breakfast time. I have grapefruit juice and hot shreddies as per, then, because it’s Friday that means toast rotation. Today the alternative to toast is a teacake. EW. It is so gross but luckily I manage to get it down me by slathering it in choccy spread and crunchy PB. (PS. The patient that was discharged yesterday is the one who used to write the dingbats…)

9:00 Goal setting group. I like this group because it’s to the point and doesn’t require too much thinking. I set a goal of participating more in groups.

11:00 I’m not really sure where the morning has gone but it’s snack time now. I have salt and vinegar hula hoops, an apple and a tea.

11:30 We have a remote CBT group over Microsoft Teams. It’s genuinely quite useful and I feel optimistic about asking for day patient on Monday. This is because if the groups online are a success, they are much more likely to let people transition that way instead of keeping people in as inpatients for longer. I hope this is the case for me anyway.

12:25 I’m a bit stressed because the group was supposed to finish at 12:15 and the loos open at 12 until 12:30. I am desperate but the group hasn’t finished yet.

12:31 I run to the loo before lunch.

12:35 Lunch is chicken in gravy, creamed potatoes and sweetcorn. I am amazed at the “creamed potatoes”. I assumed “creamed potatoes” meant mash, but oh no. The mash is a grey, dry claggy lump but this was divine. It was closer to how mash is supposed to be anyway. The sweetcorn, though. Let’s just say it’s a shame it was put on the plate. This is all followed by stewed apples (drowning helplessly in an inedible amount of cinnamon) and ice cream.

1:10 I get back to my room and see the yoga poses the physiotherapist has prescribed. I look forward to doing them with Immy over facetime. I miss yoga and pilates a lot as it used to be something that made me really happy.

1:35 My friend Indi who I met during my previous admission has just sent me a photo of her new puppy. I nearly cry it is so cute.

1:45 The photo of Indi’s pup makes me miss Shuggs a lot. I watch videos of him and get a bit sad. I try not to cry. I miss home.

2:15 I facetime Mum and we discuss meals I will have when I get out of hospital. We come up with the classics (her risotto, her tuna, quesadillas etc) and I make a pact to cook for her when I get home.

2:35 I go for my afternoon walk. It’s surprisingly hot.

3:10 I go through my camera roll and see what I was doing this time last year. I went to Soho Farmhouse for my 18th and had an amazing time, although now I look back and am annoyed at myself because I had to bring with my my own food (plain prawns and salad) whilst the others all had mac and cheese. It’s amazing to think how much things can change in a year.

3:30 For afternoon snack I have 3 gingernuts, an apple and what-I-thought-would-be-amazing-but-really-really-wasn’t banana nesquik. Such a let down. Tastes like medicine. Never again. Meanwhile, an extremely distressing behaviour occurs in the dining room. I try not to cry and I can tell other patients are too. It’s over and dealt with but it’s hard to pretend we didn’t see what we just saw.

4:00 I sit in the garden with another patient and we talk about discharge dates and going home. I’m so desperate to hear what they have to say at my meeting on Monday. I PRAY MORE THAN ANYTHING that once I reach a healthy weight they will let me go home. I’m on target to reach that by around this time next week…. Who know’s.

4:30 One of the nurses has just told us that there is no news about leave and visitors. We are all really annoyed by this because we were told we would have answers by Wednesday but each day just slips by to them. We’re frustrated and angry.

5:00 I do the yoga poses with Immy. It feels nice to move, even just a tiny bit and for a few minutes. I can’t wait to get back to normality and be able to walk Shuggs (for pleasure), run and do yoga. It’s going to be amazing,

6:00 Dinner is a jacket potato, hummus and salad followed by banoffee pie.

7:10 A patient plaits my hair for me and we watch funny Youtube videos on the TV. By the end of it we are both literally crying with laughter.

7:45 I facetime Mum and we watch the makeup programme with Stacey Dooley called Glow Up. We watched it last year and loved it. Hoping it’s as good this year.

8:30 I do some colouring whilst we watch TV.

9:15 Night snack is PB and choccy spread toast, a banana and a cup of tea.

Glad another day is down, although annoyed we didn’t hear about leave and visitors. Counting down to Monday now. Weekends always seem so very looooooooooooong though….

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