5:45 I’m woken up and weighed. 18 kilos down, 3 to go. 💪🏽
6:00 I shower and wash my hair then watch some Youtube videos.
6:30 I go to optionals and have a coffee with brown sugar. Yum. The tables have moved round so now we sit with different patients. My table is good but it doesn’t have my closest friend on it which is a shame.
7:00 I get back in bed and nap for a little bit.
7:45 I get my meds and just generally sort myself out (AKA I have no idea what I was doing in this time but it just sort of went by…)
8:15 For brekkie I have shreddies, grapefruit juice, a coffee then toast with peanut butter and choccy spread.
9:00 I facetime Immy.
9:30 I watch some more Emily Spence videos and imagine myself at home with my big tub of snacks. Cannae wait. I read that she did a 26 hour sofa marathon in order to smash her ED in the face. It worked. I’m considering doing one when I get home simply because I know how much I would hate it and how hard I would find it. Gotta challenge those thoughts.
10:30 I facetime and catch up with Dad. It sounds like things in Australia are much more relaxed than here. I guess there are a lot less people living there but I can’t help but feel slightly envious of them.
11:00 For snack I have a big, juicy red apple (actually a nice one today, rather than the usual squishy brown ones), a coffee and 3 fig rolls. I am considering starting a fig roll fan page because they are just. so. good. and I am obsessed.
11:35 Along with 3 other patients, I go to the art room with the occupational therapist and re-create the heart on the wall at home in the breakfast room that is made from buttons. I put my own little spin on it though and make it rainbow because, let’s be real, rainbows make everything better,
12:15 I am peeling the remaining PVA off my hands. (As I’m writing this I have just discovered that the word “remainding” doesn’t exist and it is in fact “remaining”. FML. Nearly 19 years old. Blimey. It’s the “cutnary” situation all over again.)
12:25 My CTM was supposed to be at 12:15 but a nurse tells me they’re running over time so it will have to be after lunch. This bothers me as I am already so nervous for it and have a countdown on my laptop (lol). I lie and say that it’s absolutely fine, no problemo. (Who even says “no problemo” anymore?)
12:30 Lunch today is actually so yummy. I’m confused because it is so nice. It feels wrong. Anyway, lunch is a falafel burger in a bun with cheese, salad with a garlic and herb dressing followed by a cup of tea and…. wait for it….. wait even longer for it……. yes……… no way……. shock delight…….. A MAGNUM! I know. Madness. It’s delicious.
1:15 CTM time. I’m so nervous. I don’t know why. Well, I do know why. It’s because theres 3 physiatrists, a dietician, the matron, 2 nurses and my care coordinator all sitting in a circle around me waiting to hear (and probably reject) my requests and concerns for the week.
1:30 OMG the CTM went really well and now I’m buzzing. I asked for free pouring and they said “of course” (!); asked if Mum could bring in some cake or something for my birthday and they said “definitely” (!!); asked about the stretching prescription malarky and they said “why not” (!!!) and finally asked about snack out and sandwich making with the dietician this week and they said yes to both! They also mention how they are going to review visiting restrictions on Wednesday but because the government said a person can meet up with someone outside their household with social distancing, it’s looking like the trust will agree to it. I am in shock at how well the day is going.
2:00 Just when I thought the day couldn’t get better, a nurse has just come into my room to tell me that: 1) my physical observations have been reduced to once a day and 2) dog walking group is on today!
2:30 I go on my windy walk and listen to Adam Buxton.
3:00 We go on the ward dog walk. The dog is so well behaved it’s scary. But nice. I speak to a few other patients and get to know them. We talk about where we live and what we do.
3:30 Snack is an apple, 2 chocolate digestives and a mocha (freely poured!)
4:00 I facetime Phoebe D, an old primary school friend who is also going to St Andrews. Our chat really cheers me up and she is so lovely. I’m glad to have such an amazing friend to start uni with. We reminisce about all the weird stuff we got up to when we were really little. I leave the call smiling like a weirdo.
5:30 I facetime Mum and we catch up before dinner. She is watching The Chase. Classic.
6:00 Dinner is quiche, hash browns, brocolli then an apple and a yoghurt (with a tea of course). Mediocre would be overdoing it.
7:00 Two nurses come into my room and do a complete room search because they found a wrapper with a half eaten flapjack in it earlier. It really upsets me because my room is left really messy and although they don’t find anything, I’m left feeling really rubbish about myself. This is extra upsetting because I felt like I was having a good day so far. I’m crying now.
7:10 I facetime Mum and tell her about it and she tells me not to worry. I am worrying though and I feel overwhelmed with guilt. I cry again. I’m not sure why this incident has me so upset because they weren’t angry when they found it. I guess I just feel embarrassed at the fact at one point I had “extra”. Even thinking about it makes me feel quite ill.
7:30 Mum takes Shuggs round the block. He has had a haircut today:
8:00 Mum and I watch The Great British Menu and I make a calendar of the next few weeks. It calms my mind a bit seeing it all laid out in front of me.
9:15 For nightsnack I (will) have muesli (self-poured!) and a coffee with sugar.
I’m finishing off a bit earlier tonight but overall I think I had a pretty good day! I’m still feeling positive about my treatment and today felt like I’ve finally made some progress. I hope tomorrow is another good day! Gonna throw myself into everything and just smash it. Loads of love,