The Inpatient Diaries: Day 16

8:00 Wake up and take meds.

8:15 For breakfast I have shreddies, toast with butter and jam and a coffee. A nurse tells me off for not having juice but I had finished it before she arrived. I’m embarrassed. She then tells me off for not putting milk in my coffee. I tell her I just hadn’t done it yet (the truth). I don’t think she believes me. I hate this.

9:00 I facetime Mum.

10:15 I sit outside in the sun and read for a little bit.

11:00 For snack I have a slice of golden syrup cake and an apple and a tea. The girl on my table has made a sign that she puts in front of her that says “I don’t feel like talking”. The nurse on our table doesn’t notice and tries to make conversation. Let me put it this way, it ends with a lot of shouting.

11:30 I facetime Mum and we watch Up. It’s Mum’s first time watching it (I know, criminal) and although I don’t cry, I forget how bloomin sad it is. I kind of wish I do cry at it though. Crying has always been a funny one for me. When I was at my illest, I physically could not cry. So when I finally did, I took that as a sign of getting better which made me feel worse (I felt I wasn’t “bad enough” to deserve recovery). Now though, I cry all the time (lol) but I’m glad that I’m able to. Maybe one day I’ll be so in touch with my emotions that I’ll be able to cry at a film… I think I’ll test this theory out with CMBYN because *feels* (most likely to cry watching this).

12:30 They forget about me for lunch. As in they leave me behind and nobody notices. This makes me feel ignored and lonely. I have to ask a member of staff that isn’t a nurse (she was the only person besides me left on the ward) where everyone was. She told me they went to the dining room. I get quite sad and go through. How easy would it have been to just not bother? Nobody noticed anyway. Eventually, lunch is quiche, potatoes, peas and then chocolate trifle and a coffee.

1:15 I try and nap but fail.

2:45 I take my walk and it’s a nice day.

3:30 It feels like it should be about 9pm this day has been so long. Anyway, for snack I have BBQ hula hoops and a flapjack and a coffee. I forgot how much I love flapjack and will definitely be making it when I get home.

4:00 I facetime Immy and we do some stretching then I play animal crossing. My island still only has a 2-star rating, despite me spending nearly 200,000 bells on bridges and inclines… I shouldn’t be this annoyed at Isabelle (if you know, you know) but I’ll keep crafting stuff anyway.

4:30 Immy and I talk about how we are going to go for runs together when I’m out to train for a marathon. This makes me very excited and happy. I think about being able to run again for the first time in ages. Only a few months ago I went on a walk just in Abingdon and then had to get the bus home (it would usually take about 3 minutes to walk) because my legs were giving in. (PS. sorry mum I never told you this because I was too embarrassed at the time). Oh how times have changed though. Bring on the newer, cooler, stronger Leith.

5:00 I’m looking online for some brightly coloured mascara and I find an amazing pink one from Urban Decay.

5:30 I shower and wash my hair.

6:00 The same thing that happened at lunch happens. I am forgotten about and left on the ward. It still makes me feel rubbish and nobody says anything when I arrive 10 minutes after everyone else. I don’t find it funny and it feels like a huge deal. Anyway. Dinner (again, still finished way, way before everyone else, but this is getting easier to deal with day by day), is a brown roll with hummus, salad with some sort of dressing and then lemon sponge with ice cream. I’d give this meal a 4/10. It sounds alright, but trust me if you could see it….🤢

6:45 I facetime Mum. She takes Shuggs around the block,

7:30 We watch Britain’s Got Talent on facetime.

9:15 Snack is PB toast and a cup of tea.

I’ve managed to stay quite positive today which I’m proud of! Hopefully tomorrow can go quickly too. Lots of love to everyone xxxx

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