04:21 I wake up. God it’s early. I try and sleep again. I probably won’t.
08:05 A nurse is knocking at my door and asking what cereal I want for breakfast. I am so confused. Where am I? Hospital. What time is it? Five past 8. Woah. Five past 8! Imagine that! Madness. This is genuinely revolutionary. I haven’t slept this long in years. I’m proud of myself. I realise I haven’t answered the nurse yet. Weetabix. Grapefruit juice. Peanut butter. No peanut butter. (Sad times). Chocolate spread then.
08:18 I have breakfast. I facetime mum. I use my new spoon and try to be subtle so the nurse on my 1:1 doesn’t notice. He doesn’t notice. Or, he pretends not to notice.
08:49 I finish my coffee and ask for my pencil sharpener. I don’t feel optimistic about it though.
9:15 Wow the nurse actually brings my sharpener! Today really is a great day. I colour in my Tintin colouring book.
11:00 Snack is mixed nuts and coffee. Nuts are quite a big deal. I’m on facetime with Phoebe and she helps me through it without even knowing. I love her. I try hazelnuts and walnuts for the first time. I love them. For some reason I have always told myself that I wouldn’t like them but I do.
12:37 Lunch is a veggie burger (this was actually amazing), chips (not so great), a yoghurt then a coffee.
1:15 I decide to make a quiz for the family to pass some time. We will do it tomorrow over facetime and Dad will join in from Sydney. I make 5 rounds: general knowledge, guinea pigs, westies, a photo round and finally a round about our family. It feels quite nostalgic making it as I used to make powerpoints and videos for them when I was younger. I haven’t changed really. I hope they’ll enjoy it.
2:05 Continued watching Outer Banks with Immy and do some colouring in.
3:11 Play Animal Crossing and Cooking Mama. Dad has sent me a link on how to get the Nooks Shopping app on Animal Crossing so now my life’s purpose is to buy 5 pieces of Nook furniture for the next 20 days. Peak.
3:30 3 maryland cookies, a coffee and an orange. This doesn’t fill me up in the slightest, Still a bottomless pit.
5:29 I have done absolutely nothing for the past 2 hours. I am bored out of my mind. A nurse knocks on my door and tells me she is leaving. I like this nurse as she has always been kind to me. She gives me a rainbow she has crocheted with a note attached saying “believe in yourself”. I’ll miss her. I ask her if she knows whether I will be moving rooms this weekend. She says she will go and find out from the matron,
5:40 She is back. She says for me to pack my things. I am going now. WTF! I could scream. You’re joking I say. Don’t get my hopes up I say. She must be joking. She isn’t. I grab some of my things and she tells me I can pick my room. It’s between rooms 2, 3 and 4. Not 1. Cry. I know immediately I don’t want room 4 as this is the room I was in for my first admission and I know from experience it is TINY. I have never seen room 3 but room 2 isn’t too bad. I look at room 3. My jaw falls to the floor. There is not only one NORMAL window (not the completely blacked-out safety kind) alongside another window, but there is a wardrobe WITH SHELVES, a DOUBLE DESK and the room itself is HUGE! I’ll take this one please. (Stay tuned on the insta story today for a room tour). I start to unpack.
6:00 The nurse shouts and we all go to the dining room for dinner. It is a sandwich, salad (with dressing) then sultana pudding with custard. A girl picks the crusts off her sandwich and throws them on the floor. Another girl cries. Another girl keeps glancing at me and stops eating when she gets ahead of me. Welcome to the Slow Eating Olympics where the most competitive anorexics play against one another to see who can finish a quarter of an egg mayo sandwich the slowest. I lose. I don’t care about this anymore. I want to be home.
6:48 I facetime Mum and Immy and show them my room. I finish packing and put my pictures up.
7:30 Watching New Amsterdam with Immy and Mum.
9:15 For nightsnack I have hot apricot wheats. At least I thought they were apricot wheats until I bit into it and then realised it was blueberry. I am so annoyed. I try not to get upset. Rationalise this. Yes, you would have preferred to have peanut butter toast if you had known they were blueberry, but this is fine. Just eat it then move on. You can do it. It doesn’t matter.
9:45 I put my washing in the tumble dryer and sign the card for the lovely nurse who is leaving tomorrow. I’ll read tonight then sleep. I can’t wait to go OUTSIDE tomorrow. Imagine that! Fresh air…
When you talk about your extreme hunger it makes me feel so relieved, I thought I was the only one, it makes me feel so conflicted because I feel like i shouldn’t look forward to next meal time so much but my body is just like….. Give