The Inpatient Diaries: Day 4

5:30 I am woken up to be weighed. I groan and the nurse laughs at me. I have to go to the toilet with the nurse standing at the door to make sure I’m not water-loading. I’m weighed. I go back to bed but don’t fall asleep again.

8:23 Breakfast. I really push the boat out and swap my usual hot mushy shreddies for hot mushy weetabix. I decide I prefer weetabix and will now have that consistently instead. It is a miracle that there’s still grapefruit juice and peanut butter; one that I don’t take for granted. (You know your life is boring when the genuine highlight of your day is hearing that you are allowed to have peanut butter on the 2 slices of toast that you don’t even want).

9:30 I facetime Dad who is still in Sydney. I miss him.

11:30 I have my CTM meeting. I ask if I’m allowed to go outside at any point whilst the rest of the patients aren’t on the ward (at mealtimes you have to walk along a corridor to the dining room). They say no. They say that when I am out of self-isolation I will be allowed 5 minutes escorted ground leave. What this actually means is I will walk with a nurse to the other side of the Warneford and back. Better than nothing?

12:30 Lunch is curry then a muller corner. My room now reeks of chicken tikka masala.

1:15 I have my COVID swap. This involves a long cotton bud type thing tickling the back of my throat. I gag. The same swab is then put through my nose until it reaches the back of my throat again. Ow.

1:25 I have just been told that my self-isolation is probably going to be extended until possibly early next week as they have to do 2 COVID tests and the second one will be on Thursday.

2:00 Watching Outer Banks with Immy again.

3:30 Snack is 3 fig rolls, a banana and a cup of tea.

3:50 I facetime Phoebe and Rebecca.

4:10 I have received 2 lovely messages from patients currently on the ward who somehow found my instagram. They welcome me and seem so kind. This is a relief because I really worry about what the other patients think of me.

4:45 I play animal crossing and spend a good few hours rearranging flowers and planting trees.

6:00 Dinner is a hummus sandwich then jelly with ice cream. Hummus sandwiches are just as weird as they sound. I mean this is coming from someone who loves a mushy meal but this takes “lack of texture” to a whole new level. Plus, it’s literally just beige. The ice cream is the yellow type that has bits of ice in it. It’s actually quite nostalgic.

8:30 Watching TV with mum. I get in a bit of an argument with a nurse over what I’m having for nightsnack which ends in me crying but I won’t get into it… I end up having apricot wheats.

9:11 There is an argument outside my room. I can hear a patient shouting and throwing things. She sounds really distressed. I start crying. I don’t know why. Yes I do. I want to go home. I can’t do it. I hate it here. Let me go home. I miss my family. I want to go to my own bed. I want to see Shuggs. They’ve trapped us here. I have no control over what they’ll do to me. I’m panicking.

10:00 Mum calms me down. We watch first dates.

11:20 I go to sleep. Another day down.