The Inpatient Diaries: Day 3

07:00 OMG. It can’t be. I’ve read it wrong. 7?! I haven’t slept past 5 in months. Today is going to be a good day.

07:10 I wash my face and have a “shower”. I get dressed.

07:30 Meds. The nurse on duty is the one who told me when I self-discharged during my previous admission that I was making a mistake. I hated him. He asks me why I’m back here. I tell him I don’t know. I’m worried and don’t know what to say. He looks annoyed. He probably isn’t annoyed but he probably did know best. I feel bad.

07:45 I can hear another patient! This is the first minute bit of “contact” I have had with anyone. I realise it’s a patient from my last admission over Christmas. She was admitted after me but it still means she has been here for over 5 months. She is probably in her seventies.

08:20 Breakfast. Yep, you guessed it. Hot shreddies. But guess what! They have grapefruit juice today! Yay. And no way. They have crunchy peanut butter! Sunpat too. Not even Tesco’s own brand. I am living a life of luxury.

08:45 The new Sam Smith and Demi song turns out to be just what I needed. Absolute tune. I listen to it on repeat.

09:10 Nap. I then get changed into a dress because why not? I feel fancy haha

10:00 I facetime Rachel from Headington and we play animal crossing together. It’s so fun and she gives me peaches, cherries, apples and pears! I know! Amazing.

11:15 I decline my offer from the University of Amsterdam. Hello St Andrews! Hello new life! Eek.

12:34 Lunch is an omlette and chips then rice pudding. The omlette isn’t bad but the chips are the sort that are somehow claggy and a bit dry at the same time?

1:30 Start Outer Banks on netflix with Immy. It’s got us hooked. We watch 2 episodes then Immy says we need to stop and spread them out. Ugh. She’s probably right though. The vibe of the show is H2O (yes the mermaid programme) minus the mermaids and add some guns. It’s great. 10/10 would recommend.

3:30 Mum has asked me to make a birthday list. I look online at stuff I’d like. I’m so excited. Maybe this year I’ll eat some cake or something. Maybe I’ll have some alcohol omg. The last time I had alcohol was when I was 16 and I threw up in Immy’s bin in her room after drinking too many peach schnapps. Tragic, trust me I know. I’m sure Mum would agree that was definitely not my finest moment.

4:35 I do my skincare routine for the first time in months. I feel good! I decide to make a blog post about it. Immy says I look scary with the facemask on though. She’s not good with masks in general. I laugh and put on the Sam Smith and Demi song again.

6:00 Mum helps me fill out my CTM agenda form. A CTM is basically a meeting you have every Monday where all the doctors and nurses and people involved in your care sit in a circle around you and stare at you in a massive room. Your weight chart and bmi is projected onto a massive screen in front of everyone and you basically just beg for things. Literally. You ask for leave, to see family, to change meds etc. They usually say no. It’s awful. I dread tomorrow.

6:35 Tea is baked beans on toast then plum crumble with custard. There’s margarine on the toast. I try not to think about the margarine on the toast. The margarine on the toast is so unnecessary though. Who even has margarine? Oh god I can taste it. Don’t think about it. Ew. Ew. Ew. Finished. Done. Move on. (There was margarine on the toast).

6:50 Did I mention there was margarine on that toast earlier? And I ate it. Oh god I hate myself.

7:10 Watch Moana with Immy and Mum. Such a great soundtrack. Mum isn’t convinced by the shiny crab bit though.

9:15 Nightsnack of mushy hot apricot wheats and a cuppa. Some would say I’m a creature of habit I suppose.

10:15 Bed. Read. Only 3 more full days.

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